The View From Here – It Begins Again
Yesterday I got all dressed up in work clothes. First, to see if they actually still fit me. Second, to feel like a grown up and hopefully shake off the sad and feel a little more productive.
Today it’s back to leggings and one of my favourite hoodies and my hair is still wet from the shower. I’m not pretty and I’m totally okay with that. Even my seventeen year old who is used to showering daily and getting “done up” said “I was going to shower, but who’s going to see me or care?” She’s usually the one that tells me to get dressed for the day.
I thought I was okay with this stay at home order. I thought “we’ve been here before, we can do it again.” Then as the alert came across my phone, I started to feel a bit more anxious. This time feels different. Maybe it’s because it’s winter and the weather is kinda blah. Maybe it’s because I’ve already watched everything I want to watch on Netflix. Maybe it’s because I’ve already cleaned all the closets and organized and purged. Maybe it’s because I’m worried about being awkward and uncomfortable around people again. I’m a shy person who finally got to a point in life where I didn’t feel as awkward and uncomfortable around people like I once did and now I’m afraid I’m going back to that person that disappeared in a room and avoided eye contact and people because it’s just easier.
My family seems to have gravitated to their own space in the house. We did the family time – the board games and sidewalk chalk and long drives together. Now it’s like “nope, I’ve seen enough of you. I’m going to be isolating in this part of the house. You stay in your own space.” We come out to share meals and talk about the day and all the things we didn’t do. There’s nothing to talk about it. It’s all pandemic and virus or politics and protests.
No new movies or tv to talk about. Except for This Is Us. Can we just have a socially distanced group hug and discuss this past weeks show? SO GOOD, right?!?
I’ve watched a few episodes of “daytime tv”. The Young and the Restless used to be a favourite but it really bothers me that they aren’t addressing the world situation at all. No social distancing. No masks. No “stay safe” in conversation. It’s kinda annoying. It’s not an “escape from reality” it’s a total denial. Even for the world of soap operas, it’s too much. Funny how this pandemic has effected us. We see a tv show, movie or even a commercial and if people are standing too close to each other we’re quick to react and say “nope, you’re not following the rules.”
I’m trying hard to find my new groove. To stick to routine like they told us to do in the beginning. It’s supposed to help. Especially when it comes to our mental health which needs to be a priority right now.
So I’m trying. Even if this second “stay at home” order feels a whole lot more serious and scary.
What are you doing to stick to a routine? What is something you are making yourself do just to keep some sort of control in an uncontrollable situation?
I make my bed every single morning. I do a home workout that challenges and strengthens me. I feed “my birds” and watch them come to the feeder and I try to find some things to talk about with you in the afternoon that might help you, encourage you or bring a smile to your face.
It gets pretty lonely at home, even with my kids and my husband and Sheldon, our cat. Who seems to be really good at ignoring me through the day now. He used to come in and say hi on a regular basis. Now he just sleeps and looks annoyed when I talk to him. (smile) He has that “when are you leaving and when can I have my house back” look.
What will you do with this stay at home order? Does it feel different for you this time?
Will you spend more time on hobbies? Read more books? Do more puzzles? I have one I got for Christmas I can’t wait to start. I wasn’t so productive the first time around, so not really holding out hope of finishing any puzzles or reading any books. We’ll see.
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Stay strong.
Stay safe.
We will get through this.
