What Would You Say?
I posted on the Fox Facebook page yesterday – “What Would You Like To Tell Your Mom Right Now” and most of the responses were “I miss you”, and you are NOT alone.
There are a lot of us in this club. Nobody asked to be included. Life just happened that way for us. The “Motherless Daughters”.
My mom died on July 14, 1990. My brother too. My sister died two days later.
Car accident. Not expected. Nothing we could have prepared ourselves for. Just. Gone.
It’s taken a long time to process and I still struggle with the loss. Especially on days like Mothers Day.
It’s taken me a long time to not feel broken. 26 years. It doesn’t get easier. You just get better at dealing with it I guess. It becomes a part of who you are.
I used to feel downright sad on Mother’s Day. Focused on what I lost. What I was missing. Other people were busy with brunches, and dinners and visits. “What are you doing for Mother’s Day?” A question that always stopped me in my tracks.
I used to give dandelion bouquets. Or her favourite flower – lilacs. Handmade cards.
Now I have three kids and Mother’s Day is a lot happier. It’s a celebration. It makes me reflect on myself in that role. I am the mother I am because of the mother I had. I know that. When I laugh with my kids, do silly things, kiss them and hug them, yell at them, remind them to use their manners, check on them 100 times when they are away from home, bake them cookies, wipe their tears, fold their laundry, make their lunch – all that I do in love for my kids is a piece of my mother living on in me and them.
So I will ask the question again. What would you like to tell your mom – right now? If you could write a letter to mom – whether here, or in heaven – what would you say? What do you wish your mom knew?
I would love to sit with my mom over a cup of tea (she made my tea every morning to get me up and ready for school). I would thank her.
Thank you for all that you did for me and all that you taught me. You taught me family first. You taught me to love each other even if you don’t want to. (You’d be amazed how much I get along with my brother now).
You taught me to laugh. A lot. With others. And at yourself.
Have fun. Don’t be afraid to not be perfect. Not everybody is good at everything. Just show up. Do your best. Don’t worry about winning and don’t be upset when you lose.
You taught me to stand up for myself. Don’t let anyone treat you badly.
You taught me how to bake cookies, cook a roast, peel potatoes, make strawberry jam. You gave me a love of gardening and watching the birds.
I miss you daily. Think of you often. I wonder what you would be like with my kids. What you would think of my husband. I wonder if you’re watching over us. I wonder if you’re proud of me. I wonder if you still roll your eyes at some of the crazy things I do and say.
I would love to hear more about your life before me. What you liked to do. The trouble you might have gotten into. The music you played. The crushes. The dreams you had before me.
I will always wish we had of had more time. I wish I didn’t take you for granted when you were here. I wish the last thing I said to you wasn’t “your shoes really stink” and instead was “I love you”
I wasn’t ready for you to leave. There is a huge hole in my heart and will always be. I am grateful for the time we had. I’m so thankful you were my mom.
I will celebrate you and all that you meant to me this Sunday. And I will celebrate all that you taught me that has made me the mother that I am. Which is – I hope – a good one.
I will play in my garden, smell the lilacs, drink a tea and think of you. I will crank up the tunes on my record player and dance in the living room just like you did with us as kids.
I love you and miss you.
Your turn. It’s ok to be sad when you miss your mom on Mother’s Day. It’s ok to be mad at what you’ve lost. It’s ok to be mad about what you’re missing out on.
Just don’t stay stuck there. Find a way to celebrate in a positive way. Write your own letter to your mom.
For those missing their moms – read this letter – FOR ALL MOTHERLESS DAUGHTER’S ON MOTHER’S DAY